


Please don't say it (that you know)

by rightings



Series: dumb boys [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: (But they don't know it yet), Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Is Gay As Fuck, Coming Out, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, fucking dumbasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 20:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightings/pseuds/rightings
Summary: But after all the hints and clues he’s picked up, Steve’s pretty sure a part of him already knew. Because Steve knows nothing if not his best friend.





	Please don't say it (that you know)

**Author's Note:**

> ok so several notes  
> -i don't really know if this is pre-war because i don't have much knowledge on the 1940's so there might be some things that aren't accurate, like how bucky is being openly gay in some public places and that's not acceptable by period typical standards, so i guess it could be an AU of where its pre-war stevebucky but in a modern setting? um so just a disclaimer  
> -this isn't exactly a stevebucky fic because they don't end up getting together in the end but it's all heavily implied that they're in love with each other  
> -i just really wanted a fic of bucky nervously coming out to steve so this is that  
> -title is from crybaby by the nbhd  
> -completely unedited so feel free to point our any mistakes you may see  
> -enjoy! x

It’s not a thing Steve discovers all at once; he doesn’t go through the shock of seeing it in one image. Instead, he finds each piece on it’s own, so that by the time Bucky outright says it, it’s not so much a surprise. Sure, Steve is a little confused, a little hurt that Bucky kept it from him for so long, but he can’t be surprised when it’s been right in front of him all along. 

* * *

 

The first piece Steve stumbles upon is nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, at the time, he hadn’t thought twice about it. But if he wants to track it down to the first clue, this is where it started. 

James “Bucky” Barnes is a certified ladies’ man, but even before he was old enough to flirt, he’s always been a people’s person. If Steve hadn’t known Bucky for as long as he did, if he didn’t see him crying at Sarah’s funeral, if he didn’t get yelled at by Bucky for getting in yet another fight, then Steve would’ve thought that the easy grin on Bucky’s face never left. As soon as the both of them hit 13 years old, and perhaps a little before that, Bucky’s charming demeanor only got smoother. He fist bumped every person he walked by in the hallways, while his other arm remained occupied, looping around Steve’s shoulder. Though friends with everybody, Bucky’s attitude changed depending on the person he was talking to and what his intentions were. If Bucky were talking to Lindsay, the pretty girl who sat 4 seats across Steve, his words would have more of a drawl to them, his body would lean against a nearby wall, his left eyebrow would raise slightly more than his right, and his smile would curl up one side. Steve’s ought to know all his tricks; he’s seen them up close. It’s always a little different when Bucky talked to the other kids in their school, but no less charming. 

Until one day, it’s not all so different. Steve told Bucky he’d meet up with him at the park at 6 PM. That had been the plan, but Steve found himself bored, all dressed in his shoes, ready to go at 5:15. He figured the park was a 15 minute walk, so he’d by there by half past five, and he could read a couple of chapters of his new book on a bench by the park while he waited for Bucky. When Steve gets there, he spots a familiar mop of brown hair, leaning casually on a tree. He doesn’t mean to spy or eavesdrop, but as he gets closer, he notices Bucky’s on flirt-mode. He’s got the whole smug/cocky/adorable smirk playing on his lips as he runs his hand through his hair. The girl Bucky’s talking to isn’t so clear from where Steve’s standing, so he starts to get closer— just so he can see who it is. Not because he means to spy. When Steve’s only a mere meter away from Bucky, he realizes that the girl Bucky’s talking to… isn’t really a girl. Instead, it’s a guy, about their age, give or take, and he’s smirking just as smugly as Bucky is. 

At first, Steve isn’t so sure what to make of that. Is Bucky flirting with a… boy? Or is Steve just making things up, and there’s really no Bucky flirt-mode? That this is just Bucky talking to everybody regardless of their gender and his intentions. Steve decides it’s probably the latter and he turns around to walk away and sit on the bench so he can read his book. Steve makes it two sentences before he’s totally engrossed and doesn’t notice a single thing in his surroundings. That’s probably a good thing considering he misses the way Bucky leans in to brush a hair off the guy’s face. 

* * *

 

The second piece is a little more obvious, if Steve ever wanted to think about it that way. He doesn’t come to any conclusions but it does start the train of thought. 

Despite popular belief, Steve and Bucky aren’t attached to the hip. Bucky does go to places without Steve hanging at his tail, and the other way around (although that isn’t as often). Earlier on, when they were about the age of 15, whenever Bucky wanted to hookup with any girl, he’d do it at a party that both he and Steve were attending. As he grew older, he started doing it at other places. He’d tell his parents that he was staying at Steve’s (which wasn’t technically a lie, because at the end of the night, he’d always end up back in Steve’s house), but only drop by to put his overnight back, and then he’d go to the girl’s house or whatever. So, it wasn’t like Bucky ever tried to hide that he was getting laid. In fact, he made a point out of it to Steve, and told him every detail when he came back to Steve’s apartment, with several hickeys that only showed when he took his shirt off, and the smell of woman perfume. 

One night, Bucky came to Steve’s unusually quiet, with a blush that warmed his body, different from the after glow of sex he usually came back with. As Bucky got ready for bed, Steve made note of how the usual hickeys were missing and were replaced with one or two marks that seemed to be… bruises made from teeth? Steve brushes it aside. It’s not like he has much experience with that sort of stuff. He tells himself the same thing when Bucky lays down next to him in bed and the smell of woman perfume is missing, in it’s place is the familiar smell of aftershave. 

* * *

 

The third time, Steve considers it for a fleeting second. Considers that Bucky might be… a— No. That’s not possible. If he was, he’d tell Steve, right? If he was, Steve would’ve noticed earlier, right? Because Steve knew nothing if not his best friend. 

They have a schedule. Because they’ve moved in together and they’re fully functioning adults and that’s the kind of thing adults do. Granted, Steve barely ever listens to the schedule and Bucky ends up doing it all by himself and muttering under his breath because he’s a fucking mama bear, but they have a schedule, nonetheless. The schedule gives each person the chores around the house according to what day of the week it is. Needless to say, Steve never takes the trash out on Tuesdays and Sundays. He’d feel bad about it if it wasn’t so amusing watching Bucky grumble around while he carries the trash in Superman pajamas and bunny slippers So, okay fine, Steve’d never do this under normal circumstances. But that’s it. It’s not normal circumstances. Bucky is mad at him, and it’s not just Oh My God This Is The Third Fight This Week When Will You Ever Learn You Damn Punk mad at him. It’s serious. Like Bucky left the house to let some steam off. 

Steve takes it upon himself to do both his and Bucky’s chores for the day, because he can never deal with himself if Bucky’s angry at him and he needs to busy himself before he gets gray hairs. They fought at 3 PM and it’s almost 7 PM and Bucky is still not back. Steve’s pretty sure he scrubbed this counter 8 separate times. It’s okay, he assures himself, Bucky’s can’t stay angry with him forever, right? Right? Steve sighs and picks the garbage bag from under the sink, setting it down a couple times so he can tie it up and take— wait. Steve spots something in the trash and holy shit. It’s a porn magazine. That’s not unusual, but what’s in it is. The cover has a shirtless male model on it, his jeans unbuttoned, revealing a happy trail that ducks under the waistband of his bright red briefs. The model stares at the camera with a sultry look, his hand mid-running through his hair. His body is all heavily muscled yet lean at the same time and fuck, what is that doing in their trash? It’s definitely not Steve’s, so it must be…—

But why would Bucky have that? It’s not like Bucky is… into that? Steve quickly ties the bag off and takes it out. It probably got here by accident and Bucky threw it in the garbage. That makes sense.

Bucky comes home an hour after that, barging through the door to hug Steve. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left like that,” he’s muttering in Steve’s neck, “I’m not mad at you. I could never be. I’m just frustrated, and I—“ 

Steve would gladly do chores everyday if it meant having Bucky in his arms like that. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do with that feeling sitting low in his gut. 

* * *

 

The fourth time leaves no room for argument. Steve sees and… he thought he’d be more surprised, but after all the hints and clues he’s picked up, Steve’s pretty sure a part of him already knew. Because Steve knows nothing if not his best friend. 

It’s not that Steve is suspicious. He knows Bucky would never lie to him, or try to hurt him on purpose. He knows that; he trusts Bucky with his entire being. It’s just that, Steve is worried. Bucky’s been staying late at the docks everyday this past week and… Steve isn’t sure what’s going on. It isn't completely bizarre for Bucky to work late, in fact, he does it three to four times a month. But three to four times a week? It sounds like something is wrong. His intentions are pure, but he’s kind of tired of sitting at home when Bucky could be in the hands of something potentially dangerous. He’s an amazing friend like that. 

So, that’s what he does. He slips on boots and a coat, because even though it was nearly March, the weather was still too cold for Steve’s terrible immune system, and heads out. It takes him nearly half an hour by foot to get there, and another ten minutes of him searching for Bucky once he gets there. Even worse, none of the men Bucky hangs out with at work are here. Steve, anxious as always, starts running a million possibilities as to where Bucky might possibly be. At first, his brain humors him and makes up some positive ideas. Like how Bucky might be grabbing a beer with his buddies, or how Bucky might be already on his way home and Steve missed him on the way here. But that lasts all of two minutes before all the negative possibilities come rushing to his mind. Fuck, did someone hurt him? _Bucky is strong_ , Steve desperately tries to reason, _he can keep up a good fight_. 

 _But what if a couple of people ganged up on him_? His brain counters. 

 _Fuck you_ , Steve yells at it.

Fuck all of this. He knew something was wrong, he felt it, he should’ve came here earlier. It’s not Bucky’s fault Steve can’t qualify to any job. It’s not Bucky’s fault he has to work twice the number of hours any normal person should in order to pay for the both of them. If only Steve were—

In the middle of his frantic pacing, Steve hears a person walking nearby. Steve turns around so fast he gets whiplash. When the person finally comes close enough that Steve can tell who it is, he feels his whole face melt in disappointment. It’s not Bucky, but then he realizes that it’s Gabe. One of Bucky’s work buddies.

“Hey, Gabe!” Steve is immediately saying, giving the man a nervous grin.

“Steve, man,” Gabe’s grin is easygoing and for a second, it calms Steve down, like he might actually start up a conversation, but then Gabe is saying, “What’re you doing here?” And it reminds Steve of the fact that Bucky is still not home. 

“Um, actually, have you seen Bucky?” 

“Bucky? He left a while ago, said he needed to head out. At around 7 maybe. Why? Is everything okay?” 

Bless Gabe. Bless his soul. “N-no!” Steve rushes to say. “I mean, yes! Everything is fine. I just. Thanks.” And walks away, tries to lasso his heart back into his chest. It’s way past 7 at this point. It’s damn near 9 PM. Steve doesn’t know where to go after this, but he assumes it’s probably best if he heads back home. Bucky can take care of himself, right? 

On his way back home, Steve takes a detour. Several detours. He tries to go by as much places as possible on his way home, maybe he can find Bucky in one of them. It’s a desperate thing, but he’s way past caring at this point. He doesn’t think it would work, so when he walks in the ally behind a bar, he really _really_ doesn’t expect to find Bucky there, not out of all places. Not when Steve was expecting to find him dead or something just as extreme. And he certainly doesn’t expect to find Bucky on his knees, nor does he expect to find a… a penis in Bucky’s mouth, but that’s exactly what happens. Bucky is on his knees giving a guy Steve’s never seen before a suckjob. Several emotions run through Steve all at once. He feels surprise because holy shit that’s vulgar, and also holy shit that’s… a nice look for Bucky. He also feels hurt because why couldn’t Bucky tell Steve that he wanted to get laid like he always did? Why did he lie to Steve? Steve also feels a rush of confusion because does Bucky always do this? Is it a regular thing? He’s not sure which one of this emotions is showing on his face when him and Bucky locks eyes. The erect cock slips out of Bucky’s mouth immediately, a string of saliva connecting it to his slick lips. Steve is so sure this is probably the wrong time to notice this but the guy’s dick is huge… how did all of it fit in Bucky’s mouth…? But then Bucky is saying, “St-eve,” voice croaky and all, and Steve can’t do it anymore. He ducks his head quickly and leaves.

* * *

 

Back home, Steve is lying on their bed, trying to think of anything but Bucky with a dick in his mouth, but lucky for him, it’s all he can think about. After Steve’s been attempting to sleep for twenty minutes, he stands up to go the kitchen for a glass of water. He makes it all the way to the sink before a key jiggles in the lock, and Bucky is home. Clearly surprised to find Steve there, Bucky’s eyes widen, “Steve, h-hey,” 

“Um.” Is all Steve can think to say. He doesn’t want to make this awkward for Bucky, because he still loves him, they’re still best friends. 

Suddenly Bucky is speaking, a hundred words per second, “Steve, fuck, I swear. I. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how you’d feel about living with a, a queer, and you’re— You’re my best friend. You know that, right? But you’re perfect all the time and you’re not like, like me, so I didn’t know how you would react but I swear I was going to tell you. I’m so sorry you had to see that, and I… completely understand if you want me to move out or, like, if you want to punch me or—“

Steve raises a hand to place it on Bucky’s shoulder so he can calm down but clearly he’s chosen the wrong time to do that, because Bucky flinches away like he thought Steve would actually hurt him. “Buck, whoa. I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“O-oh.” He tries to relax but Steve can tell he’s still tense as hell. 

“Bucky, c’mon relax. You’re my best friend, too.” 

Both of Bucky’s eyebrows raise and join at the middle, and Steve can’t help but notice he looks like a small puppy, “Still?”

“Yeah.” Steve gives Bucky a grin, before the smile fades slowly, “did you think I’d throw away fourteen years of friendship because you like fellas?” 

Bucky doesn’t seem any less confused, “Yes. Steve, I… you know I’m— People aren’t really tolerant of queers. They’d kill me if they could, I don’t- I don’t think you’d want to be friends with someone like me.” 

That makes Steve laugh, “Buck, I’m a 90 pound skinny asthmatic who has more health problems than I have friends. Do you really think I care about what people say about me or you?” 

For the first time in this conversation, Bucky smiles, “So. You really don’t mind that I’m gay?” 

“No, Bucky. I really don’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you guys are interested on how they might end up together, let me know and i might write some more about these boys and make a series out of this one :)!!
> 
> edit: i ended up making a crappy rushed fic where they get together so u can read that if u want LOL


End file.
